Spirals

Returning from holiday, I went into an overwhelm spiral, and I’m only just getting out of it. Nothing too serious, but frustrating nonetheless. Lots of loops are closing, but it’s taken me a while to acknowledge that, and they’re not yet completely closed—my father, his house, my hip pain, general work tumultuousness—life is different and will become more so.

For a couple of days I thought I was going to do #31DaysofHorror again, even though we’re travelling to Sydney, Australia, for the second half of October. I wasn’t thinking rationally. I just wanted to fill the empty spaces around me without knowing what I was doing. Got to keep busy, you know? Something doesn’t feel right, so I’ll watch a horror film. Luckily, I noticed, so we’re good.

The picture is of a collage by Brazilian artist Beatriz Milhazes, from her exhibition at Tate St Ives. The exhibition was called Maresias, which apparently means an Atlantic breeze, and lots of the other pieces fitted more into that idea, but this one stood out to me because it had a different energy. It’s called ‘O Rapaz, The Young Man’. I love the femininity of the phallic shape, and in person it’s really big, over six feet high. It commands the space.

Coming back from St Ives, the feelings of freedom, exploration and fun dissipated quickly. I knew I’d get the post-holiday blues, but that didn’t stop them coming. Busy blues. Hectic blues. Some of the damage was self inflicted, some from circumstance, but the horse is back in the stable, the phallus is back in the trousers, and the skies are clearing.

I want to finish the short story I’m writing before the end of this month and post it for my Patreon friends. It’s called The Box. More information soon.